Have a Happy Supernateral Halloween
by Olivia Carol McMichael on Sunday, October 25, 2009 at 9:42pm
Okay so first, before you read this, I have not fabricated, or elaborated any of the following stories you are about to read. I have added some detail, and given in a feel for the creepy, but only to encapsulate the mood of these tails… These are all personal encounters I had had with the supernatural. I have also heard a fair share of true stories from other people, all which lead me to firmly believe in the Supernatural, which makes Halloween a favorite holiday. The other reason I love this time of year is because it brings back alot of fond memories of my mother sewing and making us the best and most elaborate costumes for my sister and I. My mom is the best! She would seriously drive us to like 5 plus neighborhoods in one night, one to show off her awesome costumes, two to make me and my sister the happiest trick or treaters in the state of Georgia with at least a half a years supply of candy! But back to the point, what do we think of in lieu of Halloween? Riiiight ghosts, and what more? Ghost stories, and other things of the unseen nature... WHA AH AH... so sit back with some hot apple cider and let the tales begin!
Growing up I always knew I was a little different, not like the kid in the sixth sense. I didn’t see dead people, I would just more or less see the effects of the unseen. When I was a child I had an odd feeling about my basement, and because we used the space quiet frequently, I would have to piddle down the green carpeted stairs from time to time to retrieve a toy or book I may have left in it’s cavernous space. So one evening while about half way down the stairs as I stared into the dark vastness of the area, I reached for the light, but just before I did, I heard something or someone call out my name, “Olivia” Without hesitation I turned around and bolted up the stairs to tell my sister. I had forgotten about this occurrence until recently when my sister jogged my memory, and all the details of the basement story flooded into my head. I still have dreams about that basement till this day.
Another story was when I was seven, something that I remember as clearly as it happened yesterday, and one of the reasons why I believe in guardian angels. I went to the pool party of a boy named Quincy, who I had a major crush on, his house was huge, placed atop a hill with a very steep driveway. Once there, I changed into my bathing suit, only to learn for the first time in my life that you don’t wear you underwear under your bathing suit, lol. After changing (correctly) I headed out, a bunch of the kids where in the hot tub, of which I had no interest. I wanted to go in the pool before anyone else did, because I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t swim to save my life (because of embarrassment). So I looked at the diving board, stood on it for a while, and decided I didn’t have a death wish that day, so I when to the other end of the pool, where there were some floaty things. I hopped on a white long rectangular floaty, but the thing did not support my weight, (later realized it was a toy meant for people who could at least paddle) and I dropped like a rock to the bottom of the pool. My lungs quickly filling with water, I passed out, saw a burst of light, and then saw my own body floating lifeless in the pool. I looked past my body and saw a set of grooved steps in the cement siding of the pool, something one would not be able to see standing outside of the pool. In a second I had snapped back into my body, and moved to where I had seen the grooves (in my out of body state), and literally pulled myself out of the water. Once out, I was spitting up water, no one was around, no parents, nothing, so I had no witnesses. When my mother came to pick me up, I told her I almost died, and she didn’t really seem to pay much attention, I mean how do you tell your mom “I just had an out of body experience today that saved me from certain doom mom.” Call it a chemical reaction, but then tell me how I knew about the grooves in the side of the pool to pull myself out? There is no other explanation than spiritual intervention.
About six years later when I was about 12 or so, I had a completely different spiritual experience while home alone. I was watching television when out my peripheral vision, I spied my white patent leather tote rise from the adjacent sofa and into the air. I quickly jerked my head to look, and it dropped back instantly onto the couch. I stood up and felt (what I would describe as) a mild gust of chilly wind pass over my shoulders, and I knew there was something else in the house with me. I walked into my room, and clearly stated out loud “if you have something to say, do it!” And there in my room, a music box that had not been touched for months began to play. I picked it up as it played and it stopped. I tried to rationalize for a while, telling myself, maybe I was just spooked being home alone, maybe I just thought I saw the purse raise and fall… I also examined the box, there was no good reason why it should have played out of nowhere, it was old, and the knob itself was hard to turn in both directions. I also checked around for open windows to explain the cold wind. But nothing could explain this strange occurrence.
This one I don’t tell a lot of people, cause it might just be in my head, but shortly after my Uncle passed away, the phone rang one day. I swear the man on the phone sounded just like my Uncle Pat. He asked if he could speak to Jack (my father, his brother), and I told him he was out, and asked if I could take a message. There was a long pause, he said, “No, just tell him an old friend called.” I felt a shiver run down my spine, and at that moment I though of Pat. Till this day I really think it was his last phone call.
As the years passed, I always felt like I was connected to this world that I couldn’t see, that somehow these things tried to contact me, in some odd ways shape and forms. Although I have never seen an apparition, this next story without a doubt made me a firm believer in a spiritual world. If you are easily spooked, and the other stories scared you, I advise you not to read further.
My first year of college at SVA, I dormed at the G-Dub or George Washington building on 23rd and Lexington. I had a single room, and found out later on that the building was once an old folks home, where many people had passed away, and it had also been renovated a couple times, which any good ghost hunter knows, always drudges up what once was living. One night while lying on my stomach, I felt what felt like a hand move it’s way up my right arm. It was clammy, and touched slowly from my elbow up to my shoulder. I sprang up in my bed with a jolt, and said “Go AWAY!” and continued to repeat, “go away” throwing the covers over my head with my heart pounding at the inside of my chest. The following night, the same thing happened, except this time I laid there frozen with fear. And suddenly what felt like an animal or person pushed hard or (what felt like it) jumped on the bed, and I sprang from the bed and the room. Eventually I returned to go to bed, I mean where was I gonna go? But I swear to you, I was completely sober when these things happened, and shortly after began to regularly pray and burn sage in my room.
I think the most faith affirming instance happened however my junior year of college, when I went to visit my family, and my mother and I were in a near fatal accident. When my mother was pulled from the car, I cannot explain it, perhaps it was shock, but given my other supernatural experiences, I knew it was not. But I promise till this day there was a warm pinkish glow surrounding my mothers head (where her injury was) while she lay on the grass next to the car. When they strapped us to the stretchers, we held hands in the ambulance the whole way to Grady Hospital, and I prayed, somehow feeling this intense calm, I knew we were not alone in that ambulance, and I can’t explain it other than I could feel what some might describe as a “divine presence.” My mother almost died because of that accident, she lost 60% of her blood, the doctors said her survival was a true miracle. I have never doubted God, angels or my faith since then.
My last and more memorable encounter was with my friend David. This was when I lived in New York, Brooklyn to be exact, and one night we were doing some routine TV watching, when out of nowhere an object (I think a DVD box) levitated from the entertainment center to the desk. This was in clear view, no mistaking, both of us saw it, this thing moved from one location to the other. About 10 seconds later I said “ummm did you see…” as he cut me off saying “don’t say anything.” I was like “um, but…” and he made a good point that if we made notice of it, they would do more crap like that. Not that it stopped them, more often than not after doing the dishes I would leave, only to later hear my cups smashing to the floor for no good reason. I would come into the kitchen and there they would be. A cup that had been placed far away from the counter, in fact they had been placed on the drying wrack in a sturdy manner, than had been lifted and then smashed on the floor. I simply assumed it was some ghost who didn’t like the way I kept my kitchen. I remembered however, it’s best not to try and communicate with the ghosts… lol. Another strange thing that happened alot while living in that apartment was the sounds of little childrens feet and giggling in the apartment above us. For the longest time I simply assumed it was someones kids. But there were other strange loud construction type sounds that would also come from the same upstairs apartment, so one day I got curious. Not cause I was frustrated with the noise, but just cause I had never seen proof of renovations or children coming from upstairs. When I knocked on the door, two really nice guys (who offered me Pepsi) answered the door. They were the only ones to lived there. I asked them about the children running and the construction noises, but they didn't know how to explain it either. I asked if they ever had family over, like kids... nada... They said they both had office jobs in the city and often didn't come home to late, and were usually out on the weekends. Neither one of them had heard any strange construction type noises from next door or anywhere, and no one could explain the sounds of kids feet. I think all three of us were a bit spooked. Cause there were single men, who I am sure didn't run around the house acting like five year olds giggling.
Now after those experiences, some were powerful enough to make me watch my back, and learn a few tricks on how to protect myself from all types of unseen forces. And I will share a few tricks with you. If you want to absorb negative energy in your home, due to bad spirits or what not cut some lemons in half, put them in every corner of your home, and then after a day or a few hours put them in a bag (make sure to use paper, more earth friendly), and bury the bag. If you want to get rid of evil spirits or ones that just like to mess with you, burn some sage for cleansing, and say a few prayers. And if you have any other questions, feel free to send me an e-mail. And if you think all this is a bunch of Hocus Pocus, well then you have never obviously dealt with stories of this nature, and I don’t blame you for thinking I am a nutters… either way… :) Happy Halloween everybody!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Is this Strange?
Is this strange?
by Olivia Carol McMichael on Friday, July 23, 2010 at 8:54am
I have had alot of pets in my life, but my cat Mishima seems to take the cake. I think we have this strange bond that I cannot explain. Perhaps it's cause she's been by my side through this entire pregnancy, (and yes so has my husband), but she has kept me company through so much this year. Hangs with me in my studio when I paint, watches me when I make jewelry, I pretty much talk to her as I would anyone, and that's probably why she acts like a little human sometimes, and talks (in a cat way) to me as much as she does.
At first when I moved in with Jason I wasn't sure how she would take to me, but almost instantly I felt like this is a cool kitty. Over the many months of me being home to snuggle with her and watch too many movies with her, we have formed a special human to animal bond that I don't think I have ever had with another animal, and although I have loved many a pet, there is something special about her fluffly little self.
If it weren't for Jason I would probably have wound up the crazy artist lady with her cats, as I have always loved cats since childhood, and woulnd't talk to my parents for about a week when I huffed around the house wanting a cat and they said no. My sister and I even tried to get a free kitty for me, but we were kids, what were we thinking? We would call up the adds in the paper for free kitties and they'd be like, ummm how old are you?
When I moved to NY I got the luxury of loving everyone elses cat, Kristens cat Nikkita, and then Alexes cat Dasha. But never ever had I had a kitty of my very own. So when Jason asked if I wanted a cat before I moved down, I was like "YES!"
Granted my cat is extra cute and fluffy, but really she is just perfect for me, she suits my personality, even though of course there are times when I am like "Mishima! What are you doing???!!!"
Anyway being away this week, I have had two dreams about my cat. Both very telling of either how much I miss her, or perhaps because of some weird bond we share? Jason told me when I was on the phone, everytime I would talk she would inch a little towards the phone kinda looking around, like "where is she?"
Every morning when I get out of bed and walk out of the room Mishima meows and meows until I pick her up, give her a hug and scratch her fuzzy haunches,as she gives me kitty kisses, now if that aint love I don't know what is.
Appreciate and Understand
Appreciate and understand
by Olivia Carol McMichael on Saturday, May 15, 2010 at 3:51pm
I am appreciating today the things I cannot understand. And understanding things I cannot appreciate. And understanding things that need to be appreciated.
Anyway I understand that when a person doesn't call it doesn't mean they don't care, I appreciate that when a person does call it means the world to me, and I hope they understand how much the second of their time is appreciated by me.
I understand that when a person is busy it’s nice not to bother them, but trust me when I say they appreciate it when you do bother them because it reminds them that you are in their thoughts…
I understand that people are flaky, that I have been flaky, and that eventually you gotta try to set some time aside for friends and family, even if you are super preoccupied with your own life, and appreciate that if you don't try to reach out in the end no one will be around at all.
I understand that no one can ever fully understand another persons pain, loss, or whatever it may be, and I appreciate the fact that there isn't any advice one can say to that person to make it better, sometimes it's better just to encourage them that they will make it through, that they are strong, and that the crap they have gotten through so far is an accomplishment in itself.
I understand that opinions are sometimes unwanted, but appreciate that they generally come from a place of concern and care, and should not be taken offensively, unless of course they called your a bitch or some other derogatory name in the process...
I understand that e-mail does not take the place of a phone call, and a phone call does not take the place of a visit, and to me it will never be as meaningful, but I appreciate that in this day and age texting and e-mail are an alternative when you can't be there or are at work. However I also understand that if texting had been invented before the phone conversation, that people would much prefer to hear a real voice, as apposed to reading some hackey text or e-mail that doesn't completely convey how someone is really feeling. Your message will never be as well received unless it is heard in the inflections in your voice, and that's something to appreciate.
I understand that people will always have issues with family members, but appreciate that it's important to be supportive of those people and give them the love they deserve non-the less.
I understand that my life is different from what it used to be, more lonely, maybe less exciting to the masses, but I appreciate that I would not be here or who I am today without it, and that I wouldn't trade the changes I have made to be back in the mayhem and hectic swing I used to be in.
I appreciate that God doesn't give us any challenge we can't handle, but I understand that you don’t have to enjoy it, and there is no shame in saying you hate the circumstances... Hello, it is a challenge!
On that note, I understand the need to vent, but also appreciate when gratitude is deserved and that good things in life should be recognized equally.
I understand love, and I appreciate that you don’t have to love everything about someone to love them.
I understand that it's okay if I don't appreciate the kind of art that gets famous, cause I understand and appreciate that most of it is crap and that those people knew someone who knew someone like 70% of the time, and that I don't have to appreciate that. lol
I appreciate the power of prayer, but I understand that answers are not in my time.
I appreciate when someone is doing well, but I don't have to understand why others suffer.
by Olivia Carol McMichael on Saturday, May 15, 2010 at 3:51pm
I am appreciating today the things I cannot understand. And understanding things I cannot appreciate. And understanding things that need to be appreciated.
Anyway I understand that when a person doesn't call it doesn't mean they don't care, I appreciate that when a person does call it means the world to me, and I hope they understand how much the second of their time is appreciated by me.
I understand that when a person is busy it’s nice not to bother them, but trust me when I say they appreciate it when you do bother them because it reminds them that you are in their thoughts…
I understand that people are flaky, that I have been flaky, and that eventually you gotta try to set some time aside for friends and family, even if you are super preoccupied with your own life, and appreciate that if you don't try to reach out in the end no one will be around at all.
I understand that no one can ever fully understand another persons pain, loss, or whatever it may be, and I appreciate the fact that there isn't any advice one can say to that person to make it better, sometimes it's better just to encourage them that they will make it through, that they are strong, and that the crap they have gotten through so far is an accomplishment in itself.
I understand that opinions are sometimes unwanted, but appreciate that they generally come from a place of concern and care, and should not be taken offensively, unless of course they called your a bitch or some other derogatory name in the process...
I understand that e-mail does not take the place of a phone call, and a phone call does not take the place of a visit, and to me it will never be as meaningful, but I appreciate that in this day and age texting and e-mail are an alternative when you can't be there or are at work. However I also understand that if texting had been invented before the phone conversation, that people would much prefer to hear a real voice, as apposed to reading some hackey text or e-mail that doesn't completely convey how someone is really feeling. Your message will never be as well received unless it is heard in the inflections in your voice, and that's something to appreciate.
I understand that people will always have issues with family members, but appreciate that it's important to be supportive of those people and give them the love they deserve non-the less.
I understand that my life is different from what it used to be, more lonely, maybe less exciting to the masses, but I appreciate that I would not be here or who I am today without it, and that I wouldn't trade the changes I have made to be back in the mayhem and hectic swing I used to be in.
I appreciate that God doesn't give us any challenge we can't handle, but I understand that you don’t have to enjoy it, and there is no shame in saying you hate the circumstances... Hello, it is a challenge!
On that note, I understand the need to vent, but also appreciate when gratitude is deserved and that good things in life should be recognized equally.
I understand love, and I appreciate that you don’t have to love everything about someone to love them.
I understand that it's okay if I don't appreciate the kind of art that gets famous, cause I understand and appreciate that most of it is crap and that those people knew someone who knew someone like 70% of the time, and that I don't have to appreciate that. lol
I appreciate the power of prayer, but I understand that answers are not in my time.
I appreciate when someone is doing well, but I don't have to understand why others suffer.
A year ago (originally written July 4rth 2010)
So a year ago this weekend was my last weekend in New York. It's been a year now since I said my farewells and goodbyes to some of my closest friends, and people whom I have infinite and unforgettable memories with. Many funny memories, many trying memories, but all that have brought me to this place in my life right now.
It's wild to think only a year ago I was finishing up a great part time nanny job with a terrific family, and packing up my apartment one last time in New York, cause as most New Yorkers know, you probably move around a good bit, trying to find a better apartment, or lower rent. Living in New York for 7 years really changed me in so many ways. It made me wiser, stronger, more understanding, probably more patient person, if that's possible, lol.
I never intended to live in NY forever, although I did consider it home while I lived there. It was one of the only places where I felt 100% comfortable. Maybe sometimes unhinged, but always myself. Always able to meet and make new friends without a hitch. The place where I could go to my local hangouts on nights when I felt lonely and run into a group of people who would welcome me with good food and good music. Call up a friend after work for a cup of coffee in Union Square, or drop by a friends place without making solid plans after running some errands. A place where when I walked down the street after a long day of work or whatever, I could look around me and say, I live here, this is what is normal, this is what I like. But over the years, and before I met Jason, I had a very challenging time. Events and circumstances I am glad I was able to scrape out of, and then a complete rediscovery of who I was. I began to reexamine what it was in life that I really wanted, what kind of person I would want to share that life with, and no one seemed ready to fit that bill. Getting in touch with your inner psychic also never hurts.
The busy life was good for me, and quiet often to miss the bee mentality, but I knew a change was coming.
I was torn between a life of fun and spontaneous outings, and a life that I envied that other people had. A simpler life, not less exciting, but exciting in a different way. I would look at photos of friends with there new families and realize how much I wanted that. Eventually I realized, that might not be my path, might not have been what was truly meant to be. But I also didn't know if being one of a billion alternative Brooklyn artist (who never seem to wash their hair) was my thing either... Not that it's not cool to do so, but you know what I mean.
It's funny to me because so many people in New York think they are different, living this alternative lifestyle that so few do, I too felt this way for a long while, when in reality I think I know more (if not just as many) people living that kind of life, than owning homes and raising families. Both having their qualities and merit, but not one or the other I think is really that much harder or more adventurous... I will maybe write a blog about that another time... I guess it's easier for me to see this, because I have done a bit of both now.
Anyway... Before I met Jason I decided I wanted to leave NY, and kinda gave up on finding the person I would spend my life with, considering different paths, and just being content with whatever. But then one holiday vacation while trying very hard to mind my own business at a Bath and Body works, a random moment changed everything as I would know it. Taking me away from all the comforts of my big city home.
I remember my last night out in the city with my friends, it was a good one, we went to Nice Guy Eddies, down in my faved area, the lower east side, had a couple drinks, and some dancing. It was one of the hardest moments of my life when it was time to head home and get some sleep for the long move ahead of us. Jason and I hailed a taxi, and I think I probably bawled my eyes out the whole way. But after I calmed down, I looked at my engagement ring, only a few days prior Jason had proposed to me by the Hudson River, at night, with all the twinkling lights watching us. Looking at this symbol of a promise close to follow, I realized, nothing can take away the excitement of this new journey. And while the journey has been different, and I miss my friends more often than not, I wouldn't change a thing. Unless of course changing something meant I could own my own island and put everyone I love on it...
I suppose most of the time, I don't see life as good or bad, right or wrong, I just see it as life. I don't think life is better or worse, I think it's just different, because life changes, and the things you experience are either more exciting or less exciting or just a different kind of exciting.
So this year my big adventure is having a kid. It's probably one of the scariest and most exciting things I have ever done in my life. And trust me I have been through some scary things in my life, lol. I think it's obviously annoying when people tell you your life will never be the same again (after having kids). It's like really??? No shit Sherlock. It's like the biggest cliche in the book too, I mean don't people get how dumb they sound when they say that? I swear if I ever say that to someone who is younger than me after I have my baby, will someone do me the favor of punching me? I mean no duh... life will NOT be the same... And maybe that's the point? Maybe I wanted children for just that reason. Cause without change, life is boring (to me anyway). I mean am I supposed to wait another 5-10 years? Will it make the change easier somehow? And isn't it kinda insulting to say that life with children will never be normal again? Isn't having kids like one of the most natural and normal things that can happen to a woman? How would I not be normal afterwards? I mean life changes? Our bodies change. Does that mean I am handicapped? I am not losing an arm or a leg am I?
When you were 18 no one warned you before you went off to college did they? NO they told you it was going to be awesome, no one said HEY life is gonna change forever, or make it sound ominous did they? No they acted like being around and becoming an alcoholic for the next 4 years of your life was gonna be the best time of your life. They pat you on the back and sent on your clueless way. GEEZ, I often wish people had told me when I went off to college, your life will change forever in a doomsday way, cause seriously, I might could have avoided some mistakes... No one told me, enjoy your flawless body cause you will never be 18 and 100 pounds again... Or use that excessive energy wisely because when you turn 25 you will suddenly feel the earths pull on those resources. Not ONE person told me, hey you might have some crappy ass roomates your first semester so be prepared to want to gouge someones eye balls out for the first time in your life and have to have a group of friends move all your crap for you cause you are dying from a flu in the dead of winter!
Ahhh oh well again that's another rant... Back to what I was saying.
I can't truly compare my life in NY to my life now in GA because neither one is better or worse, just completely different. My life in GA is however better to me in one respect. That I do not have to ask myself, when will I be loved? When will I finally meet that person I am supposed to share this life with? I do not have to question our commitment to one another. And for some people that might seem presumptuous, because no one knows what the future holds, but that is what my life holds right now, and that is what matters. I don't wonder "how old will I be when I have children?", a question I wondered for a long time, or wonder "will I ever have children?" I could live anywhere with Jason and feel the way I do now. My location would not make it better or worse, because life hands you challenges wherever you go, and wherever you are. You will be faced with self doubt or overwhelming self confidence. And how it's handled has nothing to do with where you are, it's what you decided to do with it. You can live in the most happening town, but if you aren't making anything happen, what's the difference if you lived in a small town?
Anyway, the point I guess of all my dribble, is that happiness is a state of mind, not a state of place. I have said that before, and I will always stand by it. And although I miss NY still, and the wonderful people I know up there, I know my life is just as exciting here enjoying my 4th of July with my now husband and baby to be.
It's wild to think only a year ago I was finishing up a great part time nanny job with a terrific family, and packing up my apartment one last time in New York, cause as most New Yorkers know, you probably move around a good bit, trying to find a better apartment, or lower rent. Living in New York for 7 years really changed me in so many ways. It made me wiser, stronger, more understanding, probably more patient person, if that's possible, lol.
I never intended to live in NY forever, although I did consider it home while I lived there. It was one of the only places where I felt 100% comfortable. Maybe sometimes unhinged, but always myself. Always able to meet and make new friends without a hitch. The place where I could go to my local hangouts on nights when I felt lonely and run into a group of people who would welcome me with good food and good music. Call up a friend after work for a cup of coffee in Union Square, or drop by a friends place without making solid plans after running some errands. A place where when I walked down the street after a long day of work or whatever, I could look around me and say, I live here, this is what is normal, this is what I like. But over the years, and before I met Jason, I had a very challenging time. Events and circumstances I am glad I was able to scrape out of, and then a complete rediscovery of who I was. I began to reexamine what it was in life that I really wanted, what kind of person I would want to share that life with, and no one seemed ready to fit that bill. Getting in touch with your inner psychic also never hurts.
The busy life was good for me, and quiet often to miss the bee mentality, but I knew a change was coming.
I was torn between a life of fun and spontaneous outings, and a life that I envied that other people had. A simpler life, not less exciting, but exciting in a different way. I would look at photos of friends with there new families and realize how much I wanted that. Eventually I realized, that might not be my path, might not have been what was truly meant to be. But I also didn't know if being one of a billion alternative Brooklyn artist (who never seem to wash their hair) was my thing either... Not that it's not cool to do so, but you know what I mean.
It's funny to me because so many people in New York think they are different, living this alternative lifestyle that so few do, I too felt this way for a long while, when in reality I think I know more (if not just as many) people living that kind of life, than owning homes and raising families. Both having their qualities and merit, but not one or the other I think is really that much harder or more adventurous... I will maybe write a blog about that another time... I guess it's easier for me to see this, because I have done a bit of both now.
Anyway... Before I met Jason I decided I wanted to leave NY, and kinda gave up on finding the person I would spend my life with, considering different paths, and just being content with whatever. But then one holiday vacation while trying very hard to mind my own business at a Bath and Body works, a random moment changed everything as I would know it. Taking me away from all the comforts of my big city home.
I remember my last night out in the city with my friends, it was a good one, we went to Nice Guy Eddies, down in my faved area, the lower east side, had a couple drinks, and some dancing. It was one of the hardest moments of my life when it was time to head home and get some sleep for the long move ahead of us. Jason and I hailed a taxi, and I think I probably bawled my eyes out the whole way. But after I calmed down, I looked at my engagement ring, only a few days prior Jason had proposed to me by the Hudson River, at night, with all the twinkling lights watching us. Looking at this symbol of a promise close to follow, I realized, nothing can take away the excitement of this new journey. And while the journey has been different, and I miss my friends more often than not, I wouldn't change a thing. Unless of course changing something meant I could own my own island and put everyone I love on it...
I suppose most of the time, I don't see life as good or bad, right or wrong, I just see it as life. I don't think life is better or worse, I think it's just different, because life changes, and the things you experience are either more exciting or less exciting or just a different kind of exciting.
So this year my big adventure is having a kid. It's probably one of the scariest and most exciting things I have ever done in my life. And trust me I have been through some scary things in my life, lol. I think it's obviously annoying when people tell you your life will never be the same again (after having kids). It's like really??? No shit Sherlock. It's like the biggest cliche in the book too, I mean don't people get how dumb they sound when they say that? I swear if I ever say that to someone who is younger than me after I have my baby, will someone do me the favor of punching me? I mean no duh... life will NOT be the same... And maybe that's the point? Maybe I wanted children for just that reason. Cause without change, life is boring (to me anyway). I mean am I supposed to wait another 5-10 years? Will it make the change easier somehow? And isn't it kinda insulting to say that life with children will never be normal again? Isn't having kids like one of the most natural and normal things that can happen to a woman? How would I not be normal afterwards? I mean life changes? Our bodies change. Does that mean I am handicapped? I am not losing an arm or a leg am I?
When you were 18 no one warned you before you went off to college did they? NO they told you it was going to be awesome, no one said HEY life is gonna change forever, or make it sound ominous did they? No they acted like being around and becoming an alcoholic for the next 4 years of your life was gonna be the best time of your life. They pat you on the back and sent on your clueless way. GEEZ, I often wish people had told me when I went off to college, your life will change forever in a doomsday way, cause seriously, I might could have avoided some mistakes... No one told me, enjoy your flawless body cause you will never be 18 and 100 pounds again... Or use that excessive energy wisely because when you turn 25 you will suddenly feel the earths pull on those resources. Not ONE person told me, hey you might have some crappy ass roomates your first semester so be prepared to want to gouge someones eye balls out for the first time in your life and have to have a group of friends move all your crap for you cause you are dying from a flu in the dead of winter!
Ahhh oh well again that's another rant... Back to what I was saying.
I can't truly compare my life in NY to my life now in GA because neither one is better or worse, just completely different. My life in GA is however better to me in one respect. That I do not have to ask myself, when will I be loved? When will I finally meet that person I am supposed to share this life with? I do not have to question our commitment to one another. And for some people that might seem presumptuous, because no one knows what the future holds, but that is what my life holds right now, and that is what matters. I don't wonder "how old will I be when I have children?", a question I wondered for a long time, or wonder "will I ever have children?" I could live anywhere with Jason and feel the way I do now. My location would not make it better or worse, because life hands you challenges wherever you go, and wherever you are. You will be faced with self doubt or overwhelming self confidence. And how it's handled has nothing to do with where you are, it's what you decided to do with it. You can live in the most happening town, but if you aren't making anything happen, what's the difference if you lived in a small town?
Anyway, the point I guess of all my dribble, is that happiness is a state of mind, not a state of place. I have said that before, and I will always stand by it. And although I miss NY still, and the wonderful people I know up there, I know my life is just as exciting here enjoying my 4th of July with my now husband and baby to be.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
